This morning I was in my local supermarket and heard a stentorian admonition to the effect of, "You are a bad boy! You are very naughty!" Sure enough, I rounded the aisle-end to see a clearly-frustrated mother with a 5-ish year-old boy. I have no idea as to what he might have done, but I do recall a philosophy and set of practices I attempted to implement throughout my career.
You see, the problem with castigation has two faces, and here I am not referring to the "smack with a newspaper and not your hand" argument. What I mean is firstly that you are telling the child what s/he did (of which s/he is quite likely fully aware) and not what s/he should have done, and you are also not telling hi/her what you want in the future.
Secondly, you are condemning the child in an holistic manner, ignoring any saving graces or that this might have been a momentary aberration or lack of judgment. Few children are actually bad, although the majority do a bad thing at one time or another. The supermarket mother has damned the child and not whatever it was that he had done. Taking this to a logical conclusion, why should this child do anything anyone else wants? Self-fulfilling labels and prophecies are pretty much the same thing.
I read somewhere that the most common phrase or sentiment from teachers is "Don't" or "Stop". Personal experience has shown me that most students are skilled attorneys. So when a teacher says. "Johnny, stop poking Jenny", he now has free rein to jab, hit, push, kick, stab, punch and pull the chair away.
So putting two and two together, I am a huge fan of what has become known as "positive education" or positive behavior, positive language, positive discipline and so on. In other words, target the act and not the actor and specify what you want rather than what you do not. For example. "Suzy, I saw you sharpen your pencil and drop the shavings on the floor. Please get the brush and pan and sweep it up so that no-one else has to clean up after you, and next time please sharpen your pencil over the wastepaper basket, making sure that none of the debris falls onto the tiles."
See? Re-direction and positive at that.
Oh, and by the way, this philosophy is consistent with my dislike for rewards-based and punishment-based approaches, but more on that elsewhere.
**Please leave any comments or queries below.**
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