While I see it's re-direction value, I've never really agreed with the sticks and stones mantra. I have seen first-hand how statements, asides and poor phrasing can be destructive, especially with girls and especially with pre- and early-adolescent girls. My latest parent consult bears this out.
Mom Jo met with me last week, Their family has just moved state and city and thus her daughter Joella has changed school. She also moved from G5 elementary to G6 middle and mid-year when a semester's worth of friendship group had already occurred.
The first concern emerged with a math test when Joella scored 2 out of a possible 20. No pre-test counseling from the teacher, no parent conferencing, just a 2 / 20. Joella's comments include being "dumb" and that she is "not good at math". I find it hard to imagine that these comments emerge from a vacuum and so my immediate thoughts center around who said what, and who allowed what to be said.
Her second concern emerged when Joella mentioned spelling groups (full disclosure : I am not a fan of rote spelling and spelling bees and "vocabulary words", but that discussion is for another day) and she spoke of the "better group".
I then met with Joella and I am sure that no-one will be surprised to learn that she is not dumb nor is she not good at math. Her previous school follows a different curriculum and by curriculum, I mean specifically order of topics. What she was tested on was material she had not yet covered, which I must say to find educationally unacceptable and verging on the unprofessional in terms of her teacher.
In about 20 minutes review we covered all three topics tested, Joella grasped all three topics intellectually and lacked only the necessary practice to consolidate (hard-wire? muscle-memory?) them.
Secondly, it emerged that the better spelling group was not better. They were simply on List 8 in the spelling book whereas Joella was on List 6. I have not seen this list, and I do not know who this teacher assigns students to groups, but my impression of Joella's use of English is that she would be in the G6 upper quartile. However, what did emerge was that her previous school did not have a spelling book and did not have level-based spelling groups.
What I will advise Jo is that she needs to meet with the teacher and/or principal to raise these two issues related to the teacher, and the issue of language, terms, confidence and self-image. I see a fine line between what happened to Joella and bullying, and I would hope that a competent principal would be similarly concerned.
**Please leave questions and comments below.**
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